Black, White, Mestizo, and Coffee

Every time I sit down here in this uncomfortable posture at this ill suited desk that has to be well over thirty years old, it is something. Yesterday, Joey the Beloved knocked my indian lamb curry on the floor, and restraint was difficult just at that moment. I managed, however, with one shout that sent both feline children running for cover, and I felt a hunger pang just now even though I do not want to eat, and spilled coffee creamer on myself, on the outside of twenty minutes, and smell sticky sweet. Had the non-dairy fluid hit my joystick, it is likely I would not be here multi-tasking, and I am probably going to offend you, or incite indignation that will not find its way to my comment section for a variety of reasons, perhaps because I write effectively with blunt force trauma, perhaps because no one wants to take on a misanthropic quadriplegic, or no one with the exception of louise, pays my posts any attention, because I am not fun, or rarely engage in light-hearted taste, although I have, now and again, expressed food or film delight.

No souffle this morning, as it will not please you to know that I did not sign the petition to have George Zimmerman prosecuted for the death of Trayvon Martin, and this is not due to my diffidence over black identity and victimization so much as a glazed ennui. I do not have it in me to feel outraged, even though somethig went terribly wrong here, and I cannot rehash the facts, the police investigation, or the controversial *Stand Your Ground* law, or take issue with Donna Britt over the misapplication of social fear, any better than my salaried colleagues can, but I do know that neighborhood watch is not about proactive interference with a crime in progress, or even suspicion, and Zimmerman's obviously irresponsible aggression is exactly why gun manufacture should not be left to the whim of free market capitalism.

I cannot, however, get involved, though my thoughts, much like WaPo's byline, turns to Zimmerman himself.I wonder if he fears for his life. I wonder if he should fear for it.

I have seen Ms. Britt flit about on American public television, and though I sympathize with the loss of her brother to time immemorial police aggression due to profiling, I take issue with certain of her worldviews, informed, of course, by her identity, much as mine have been. She platforms her comfort in this Liberation Deity that has such depth in black Protestant theology, and I can't take it seriously as a candy coating for grief over historical memory. I lost a brother too, an actual criminal at that, who graduated from petty addict thievery to first degree rape and assault with a deadly weapon, and then conveniently started his AIDS death march. He shamed our family name, embroiled my father in earlier litigation, and I am not sitting here like a weeping willow giving it up to Jesus.

I've had more than my share in this life, and whatever impassioned partisanism I have left, I have none left to spare for the continuation of traditional racial conflict in the United States. We are not basically a good country, and our national identity is one forged in historical and contemporary brutality. Zimmerman will probably be charged, but what is larger than that likely event, is the corporate mindset surrounding the development of lethal weapons and mass producing them like rock candy. This is what allowed Zimmerman to be out there playing rent-a-cop when he had no business doing so.

This country used to be capable of large movements, and it is time for Congress to properly revisit the Second Amendment, and yes, go through the torturously long process of the two-thirds majority ratification by the state legislators. If you believe, like those in Poets & Writers before you, or some members of my family, or Homo Tweets, that mental health treatment would make me more palatable, then you should be concerned that I could more easily visit the hood and buy a 357 magnum with a body on it than be cured by something like Prozac, which given my brain damage and other secondary symptoms, could kill me.

These are not toys, handguns, and all we use this technology for is slaughter of our own species due to superficial characteristics that create real regional conflicts and dehumanization.