Boulet and Nicholas

"Yeah, you're going to make us all famous--" Nicholas Marinelli, Jr, approximately 1991, when the editor of River Rat Review unwittingly caused me huge problems by mailing my contributor copy of a poem about my mother's drug addiction to my father's address, at which point, I was threatened with Hollywood style Italian vengeance. I had a ball and didn't, simultaneously.


Course correction for my dead little brother's diseased and wasted skeleton, whatever is left of it after 18 years, I have no desire to make our family skeletons into a Spielberg movie, only justice for what was stolen from me in my evidently fatal migration back to the city of my birth. The dignity of my ability to stake out my own self-definition against the backdrop of my now severely limited economic options, for one. Did you know Gloria Reuben is Canadian?

I did not. Chuckle. I do not remember the entire storyline in her role as Jean Boulet, but vividly recall the scene, after the HIV positive diagnosis, when she visited her treating physician, an actress I also recognized, and if you trivia buffs want to get off your asses and help me dig the episode out of archive, that would be lovely; for whatever reason, that sappy bit of realistic dialogue, and Reuben's expressive, limpid eyes, remained with me, not while Nicky was dying horribly and I could not be there to touch him and tell the little criminal bastard I loved him anyway, but the scene stayed with me, the way these things do: I wonder whatever happened to her? Then there she was, proof, with my favorite occasional television abrasion, and I felt an odd surge of, what, exactly? Gratitude and nostalgia? Not entirely sure, but trotted myself to her website and snivelled, piteous disability journalist as I wish to remain. Her handlers are probably asking themselves what does she want from us if she doesn't have a plan?

Nothing, as of yet, but a teeny tiny bit of compassionate star dust wouldn't hurt. You might say that's what this corn fritter was offering me two years ago after he read my comment on Ebert's loneliness post, and okay, I became impolitic and paranoid with lightning speed, but that is both Daniel's and my fault. Me for not asking myself better questions before I waded into his community, and he for making assumptions about my track record. Gloria is B+ celebrity third contact attempt, another quasi-shelf possibility. We'll stay tuned, shall we?

I am not sparing you little Nicky, but, not this morning. Relieved?