Forest Gump

When anyone asked Beaver why he stayed there instead of setting up on his own, he sometimes said he thought his mother liked having him there (in spite of her business she was lonely); sometimes that it saved him at least five pounds a week. => His total income varied around six pounds a week, so this was an important saving.-- Evelyn Waugh, A Handful of Dust

Sensible people need to cease offering me sensible advice, like the office receptionist telling me I should be grateful for having a place to live, or a Linked In teacher going on in IM with beatitudes. Don't insult people. I mocked him by insinuating that I'm more sinister than I am. He did not get it and suggested I write a poem. Linked In earned my nearly instantaneous derision for this, and its threads. Fuck Lyneshia and her gratitude. Fuck people telling me to let the cruelty of Liberty go, or to stay positive. People who tell me this have traveled, had their careers.

What I face, with a near inability to reverse it, is statutory punishment for failure, on the basis of having done nothing wrong except fleeing Widener University and trying to succeed on my own terms. I've watched Erik the unethical transvestite transform from a facetious shyster into a living mummy, literally, one who thinks he's helping me after he skirted embezzlement charges and put his homosexual arrested development lover ahead in the game because the two of them are so low on the totem pole they're entitled to elbow straight arrows like me into a sewer.

I am tired of hearing it. Forgiveness. Do you know what happens to people like me without any financial security? A nigger on the down low pawing at me eight years ago is just the tip of the ice berg in comparison to what bed ridden dependence has in store when I am over sixty. I really don't see why I shouldn't utilize some criminality for some justice on my own. Robert Durst seems to have escaped with coveted privilege into a rabbit hole. All Good Things is a well made suspense tale, but what it leaves behind is bafflement. Why was all of this necessary? What triggered so much distress?