Corporate Accommodation, Early onset

....There are none so easily carried away as those who are without passion. Turgenev

My chair was taking too long to finish charging yesterday for me to drive to an AT&T outlet for assistance, but as I managed to actually fall asleep last evening, I may make it this afternoon, and if wealthy enough, I'd offer Ma Bell's customer service a buffet. How many spastic trolls are there who get away with venting their criminal imagination using their own victimization? My deeper point about Levora, is that the Catholic nun misread the situation. Why push a dying young woman to get an equivalency diploma without teaching her about responsible behavior? 

Many women do sexually irresponsible things, and I've glided over some of my follies, for which I am now too weary, but one thing drilled into my Fallopian tubes was the command "Do not get pregnant!" And I never did. Cerebral palsy is not even degenerative, and yet my womb was forbidden to nourish a fertile embryo. Carriers, like Levora, who know they're carriers of horrific degenerative diseases should remain sterile. Too much trauma already afflicts us as it is. My anxiety may be a prelude to early senility. Marie [the aunt] reads it in me just as I've read it in her since my mother's passing, and I drink a pot of coffee approximately every twelve hours.

Why not continue to play Russian roulette with psychotropic medications?

Three reasons: I have observed how many mentally ill people nearly die on them, including my mother. A proscribing psychiatrist made her lithium dosage too high, and my mother had to be hospitalized for it a few years before she died. Ditto what I was exposed to at Matrix. Mental and physical illness are not distinct subsets, trust me there, and many seriously delusional patients get that way for physiological reasons, and not simply due to depression or traumatic stress.

Major third reason: Proscribing therapists do not know how to treat those of us with brain lesions. They get it wrong and we overdose into seizures. One of my consumers, Cheryl Ward, had cp about to the degree Linda Dezenski does, but her anxiety was much more pronounced than mine. She died here in the building at the sweet age of 24 because she took the wrong combination of script. In my estimation, non-terminal clinical euthanasia is preferable, even if ideation is occasionally an impetus behind it. Home of the Merciful Savior was bad enough as a childhood experience. Inglis House, however clean its linoleum floors are kept, has the overwhelming stench of human waste concentrated in it, so why do this to ourselves? 

When I selected Rudin in my Turgenev collection, I had no idea it was the author's first novel. My sympathies, being Jamesian, are omnipresent; the titular character is a vain windbag, stuck in time.

I don't have the courage to email Jerry and apologize to him for mangling our three semesters with each other in my posts, nor is it necessary. I sacrificed my chill factor in 2007 to contact him for the sake of his legacy. More than that is treacherous, but in a concession to his intellectual superiority, it wasn't his duty to give me a reality check about life as a quadriplegic, in academia, or out of it, in the intermingling of obsession, and a little hatred in the affection. Chair is done. I'm off, perhaps to ask for a prototype Apple to smash as an outlet, grinning, in resignation.

I know I make things harder than they have to be; I know I'm losing, dwindling away out of time, but it remains equally true I've sat here in the carnage of my career too long, and failed to utilize my savings within the appropriate setting to get away from what the independent living movement did to me; I live with my past dying in front of my eyes, and at times it is unbearable.