Voyage of the Damned

"I'm going to kill that bitch!"-- Joanne Woodward, conventionalized fury

My efforts to work offline are thwarted, not because of turning in to a social media junkie, but because Karina so innocently obliterated my hard copy existence as a writer because I did not rush out of the bathroom naked to throttle the disconcerted dumbass, compounded by the fact that Presby has compounded my social fears to the ninth power, my revision files of all my mania driven poetry are basically gone, and many drafts were worth saving.

I'm starving, sick, back in indigence, and my life has been eradicated. I wanted to rewrite a complicated suburban piece, a poem about my mother's dyke friend, would be lover, and once, my second mom. I was attached to Kathy. I call her Kmac in here as much to shield my psyche from the depth of my intimacy with homosexuals, both unrealized and known alike (I knew Erik was gay when I hung out with him and Jimmi, but his vagina was news to me and when s/him told me, it was a rare instance when I nearly threw up in his face). As ridiculous as it is, I feel betrayed by Kathy Mac, feel that my childhood sanctity was destroyed by her sexual deceptions, and the few times my sister had her over after my mother's death, I made nice about bridging the gap, but knew the gap would remain, a permanent geological chasm. I cannot prove, but believe she had covert terminations, and most of my data has vanished, because I am browbeat by thick set domestics and snake-tongued prevaricating bulls with tits, my favorite fecal pair, Trudy and Debra. 

I am not the only writer and minimal author (barely one, I guess) to lose so much, but I'm not 35 anymore, and my sense of being threatened and continually overwhelmed is a non-stop conveyor belt. I used to love doing what I do, and Presbyterian Homes has been successful at one thing: leaving me in continual fear of my life. I had to leave Diamond Park, but Riverside had made me pay a high price for its eroding stability-- more inner city residents live here now than 20 years ago-- and another move is on we go, round and round.