The Concept of Nothing

In section 202 housing, giving notice is apparently irrelevant for someone in my condition, so I got up to look for a hotel, found one, not that I know if this establishment has a vacancy. I'll find out this morning, I'll pack a few things, and then I am not coming back to this building, if ever, until I have an attorney, in succinct summation, reminiscent of seeing Brazil in university theater, still part communal experience, in the late 80's. No streaming, imagine. That was reserved for Zero Theorem, the last film in Gilliam's ostensible trilogy. Gilliam's style of ostentation, now out of fashion, never sat particularly well with me, even though the absurdist disruptions in all three films can be interpreted as distractions to prevent  the characters, the audience, from actualizing the Orwellian state in which they (we) inhabit: the only reason I was ever able to feel the tide on my legs, as a young girl, was because my grandfather dragged my wheelchair from the planked walkway which led out to the beach at Wildwood all the way to the damn Atlantic ocean, and I've carried the guilt of his labor ever since, a good twenty minutes, like a pack horse, and my chair, not being titanium, but the older mid-20th century stainless steel models, rusted through at the axle, embedded in one of my most ironclad memories, my only experience of the ocean meeting the shore, never imagining forcing sunset in a virtual horizon, manipulating it like a beach ball, even if the real Orwellian modular affect of human society is grimmer than Gilliam's ornate constructs allows for, despite certain poignant cessations, which doesn't quite occur in this last take on his exaggerated antics. Still, as aware as we are of what we're doing to ourselves, we hurdle along, due to mostly mindless group dynamics. I am going to dress, go grab a cold wrap, eat, and where I land by week's end may come down to commiseration, or general lack of forgiveness for failure, unless I go back to rest my fatigue another few hours, too old for all of this, fight and flight.