By The Untenable Sword

"That was hard enough to figure out in the seventies."-- Andrew Sullivan

I cannot deny my friend Alan his humanity, for he was my friend for over three decades, if I can, at the very least, extol him for constancy. Some aspects of our relationship weren’t particularly healthy, like our stoned failure to engage in coitus before he sorted out his orientation issues. (There must be a happy queer somewhere who enjoyed fat ugly boy’s well-endowed penis, and I have to assert, had the weed not been so potent, my long time collegiate loser buddy by default might have given the dowager a fulfilling climax despite zero chemistry between us, human sexuality being the morass that it is.)

What I’m attempting to clarify is I cannot excise Alan as I have had to excise Josie and the failed transhissexual on the eighth floor with his insufferable partner, and this is a crucible in my rejection of Sullivan’s culture. I have the rather erroneous temptation to justify my hostility in philosophical thesis form, as if a right-wing paper creates a solution to the amorphous totality of the culture wars. This isn’t how it works. Alan certainly isn’t going to care if I classify his illicit adventures feeding his anxiety about contracting AIDS on the scold worthy shelf about personal responsibility and not engaging in high risk trysts in the parks he frequented for a wanker; neither does Karl Schmid, the local ABC video journalist. Various media outlets reported Schmid received an outpouring of support when he announced his 10 year HIV positive status. I am not readily trampling on the left to moderate gravitation towards feel the love when the LBGT community asserts this identity pride in the face of such a lethal virus, but ye doves are apparently cooing over high risk sexual practices which led to AIDS trans-spotting from the African bush outward. The only "outpouring" my little brother Nicholas received as a troubled addict dying from AIDS in 1995 came from his parents, and my brother's memory, too, deserves opprobrium for knowingly passing the disease onto his girl, hence, I concede troubled heterosexuals can be just as culpable as a purportedly smart man like Andy, not smart enough to constrain his behavior which led to his contraction. You might argue that Sullivan, being of my generation, had medical ignorance as an excuse. The son of my father didn't (and yes, that is mio padre). Neither does Schmid, so what exactly are you supporting him for? Owning up? I doubt any of us will be cleaning his rectum if or when the virus beats his anti-viral cocktail.

If you suspect what's really eating me is the betrayal I received for my tolerance, I will not deny that is part and parcel of the package, and I too, made risky sexual judgments, but not as risky as those in parts of the homosexual community. I do not know if Alan evaded HIV. For his sake I hope so, as dealing with my depressed virulence cost him emotionally, but it certainly seems to me he didn't care enough about health and well being to stop. "The body has some resistance," he told me, still telephone active. This guy tried an Episcopalian seminary after embroiling neighbor state New Jersey in a shameful disgrace far less entertaining than Sandford's. Yes, rolling back sexual liberty might help us live longer, despite libertarian allowances for self-destructive behavior. Gender fluidly doesn't have to result in a grand devil's bargain.

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