Nail Clippings

 If I actually attempt to tongue, and he responds, that is a change, a risk. -- quoting myself

This almost occurred today, in the esoteric sense of writing your own script, and I am not entirely certain he was play acting. I also learned in my early 30's, I am not as invulnerable to letting physical attraction take its own course as I may put forward, but other than that, I am going to divert your eyes from any further details except to convey this is a simulation of a dried twig trying to be a mature bloom. This positive attitude, from him, the therapists, from Dana, his predecessor who has a serious enthusiasm for Stromae, who lost his father to the Rwandan genocide and used it to energize his music, I cannot maintain it as the majority of you do.

I have an intrinsic awareness that I am in the latter stages of my quality time, and being treated like a piece of red tape for over 24 weeks, white coats bopping to sign forms, takes its toll; beneath the surface, after I save my non-cloud loaded files, I want to fold, despite Shane's (let's call him that) compassionate excellence at my care. One or two members on my family branch like him a great deal, glad he makes me happy, but his masculinity is like the USS Enterprise lowering its shields against a Borg cube: after 33 years of my hardened routes, hard won achievements, maybe I bang a minority, or come close. So what? Regardless of the post-Obama era, in my family structure, he'd represent the otherness Joanne brings to the table, whether or not he remains virginal. I want the damn welfare circus to cease rotating its slats for each of my body parts. Again, I have no latent condition which requires that only a podiatrist clips my toenails, no infection, or diabetes, and if someone just put my heels on one of my sitting chairs and leaned me forward, I'd do it myself, just as most of you would, instead of being vacuum packed poultry parts.. Theoretically, I could shut all this down-- but if I did, and drove my chair as far as the park, scuttled under a bench, eventually first responders would place me in a medical facility commensurate with my growing fear of being imprisoned in them sooner or later. Good evening-- that is as up beat as I go. Off to bed, still willing to allow 4 the process.