Old Lions, Fresh Solstice

Not to take issue with Chris Zimmer, since she and I have different agendas, but I give SVU's writers credit for reminding us that adjudication doesn't rectify the hidden costs of our scars. It may have been a soft boiled episode, but Hargitay and Vassilieva brought it home, recapping the earlier story lines. I am soft on Dick Wolf, meaning I forgive what Zimmer opines as tepid, out of familiar reassurance, and I can assure you I don't enjoy rolling off my daybed feeling revictimized every day, but the hardest thing to expurgate from disability activism is the internecine cruelty embedded within it.

In 2002, right around the time I was exiled from the Poets & Writers community, Septa CCT instituted restricted eligibility, and it has been like a Jamesian turn of the screw ever since. There are things I have not discussed about service providers and threats to my survival, items I've held back, attempting to avoid certain stereotypical aspects, and I do not always succeed. If I accuse Philadelphia's spina bifida loud mouth of tunnel vision, I am not so far behind strumming cat guts with a bow.

Reinvention is a difficult task when the environment in which it needs to be done is one you never wanted in the first place that holds so much baggage, more damage than pleasure, and little that is fresh, invigorating. Risk adverse to another failure due to productive decline, I have little desire to utilize the campus of my alma mater; it is older than old. I want to let it go, be rid of the whole city with its inability to govern itself, although these days that is apparently a bicoastal affliction.

I can't work this morning. Post-a-vent yes, slight revising, waiting for one of Anthony Perkin's last films. Another Lovecraft variation, maybe I should pack it in now, resign myself to Inglis House, death industry bar none. In a few years, my lateral transfer skills will be more difficult. I will be off Blogger more than likely, barring a Google Amazon takeover of independent living itself, which I'd support. So many limits, so few choices, and Linda will go on, no matter. Gutting subordinates is often its own reward. I am going to bed.

The White Whale

The conniving bitch finally received the demotion she was to be penalized with under Fern, another stellar Judean witch, fourteen years ago. It had nothing to do with the institutional suborning of Linda's criminal malfeasance. Liberty would be the first to tell you this. Linda Dezenski might have buckled under the pressure, and the poisoned neurosis of my pain over their institutional cruelty is my problem, but to continue to expose to you why their Orwellian behavior is a poisoned pill that needs to be dismantled before it is too late-- the executive titles listed are nothing, a bogus conflation of the sort that the dystopians taught us to worry about, especially Kafka.

Tom Earle lists himself as *CEO* over semantic sensitivity/insecurity, to belie marginalization, but the lie only magnifies what this particular center evades with glaring lack of success: Liberty is a caste system for individuals who do not even merit the status of an oppressed minority. Thomas Earle is not Jamie Dimon. Thomas Earle is a legally blind disability lawyer with squirrel nuts for an excuse, and he is an executive director. Linda was assistant director just shy of 15 years, and got booted back to managing attendant care on the community integration model. Liberty also does nursing home in sourcing. Nearly the same difference, with the institutional racism even more pronounced. It makes me physically sick, literally, that I worked with these motherfuckers, that I allowed them all to denigrate me for so many years as less than human. I take my therapy about it from Mariska, and only recently remembered that if getting access to Jodie Foster as a disability journalist is nuanced with complexity, Hargitay is less so, and I connect with her as a life long victim of sexual assault. Olivia Benson got it twice, as did Sofia Vassilieva's Sarah. Me? I literally cannot give you an exact count, and my only solace is a veteran television actress in a veteran formula who hits the appropriate key notes.

Put this in the context that I cannot get away from the psychological pain of seeing all sorts in the *Liberty Resources* family daily, as a constant reminder. I can never go home again, but that home is little more than a criminally incompetent syndicate, however hollow my stark satisfaction. I know forcing Linda's termination is next to nothing, but what Liberty represents is little better than Daria Cassini's life sentence. What kind of dissidence would you attribute to her?

If I had committed to staying in the academic system, don't suppose for a moment that progressives would not have continued to impede their notions of equality with judgments against me; this too was life long in experience. I have been thinking about solutions for a long time, and in more filler moments, those wheels will grind. In the interim, Nathaniel should send me something to review We all know beauty and the beast, yes?