Quentin Radio

"The press will have a field day with this latest escapade."-- in the script

Vengeance, if individuals are serious about enacting it, changes people. Christopher Dorner probably recognized, before the tear gas blaze in the cabin, that he had failed, and that killing his supervisor's daughter wasn't as liberating as he thought it would be, and that he was better off dead in those mountains as opposed to getting the death penalty-- and yet, his impulse to engage in anarchy against our institutional paradigms and their increasing complexity wasn't invalid.

Let me go back to Poets and Writers banning my online account (yes, I'm over it but making another point). Posters were afraid of me because I was raw with pain about what happened to me within the ranks of independent living, but, whatever my rhetoric and its decibel level, it was raw, it was grief, and beneath the surface, even today, I lost something in role models once valued. Linda was the only woman with cerebral palsy who I genuinely liked, even though, to channel Kill Bill, I knew what she was capable of. I just didn't believe she was capable of doing it to me, and in turn, she probably did not calculate that I'd put a dent in her bubble, leading to her early retirement.

That is emotional investment-- but why? Because the role model heroine was all I had, itself a sad commentary on fulfillment. The only job I never struggled with internally was my brief sojourn with AccessLife. A good editor is worth his weight in gold, but it was one position, and even with Christopher Reeve I was perhaps unfairly contentious. I am less raw now of course, but the inexorable grind is closing in on me as I age with this condition, and my line between being a bullshit artist and real malevolence is blurring, hollowly, perhaps, as the transsexual is 2/3's corpse, punishment enough for his ethics, and I was told Cassie James departed the field with an illness as well, but the thought of dying so browbeaten-- whatever the pedestrian counsels about acceptance, my ego cannot swallow it-- but what resolution would serve? It isn't about punitive  damages rolled into an annuity. It is about striking the system, and or really paying a price for which I lack the tenacity.

I have, however, become that cold.