Lacan Theory

I am basically an adherent of Slavoj Zizek without having the benefit of studying the controversial philosopher's theory. Where the former Yugoslavian and I differ is on the willingness to use violence when the paradigm is otherwise too firmly entrenched for adjudication. Granted, every example I have cherry picked on this DIA account has been flawed, inclusive of the Oregon shooter, which, unlike Cohn, I almost did not want to reflect upon in any manner, but like Zizek, I believe liberalism's egalitarianism makes things worse and leads to genocidal outcomes.

However, after watching yet another punk academic, which Zizek is, being interviewed by Smiley, of whom, as you know, I'm not the greatest fan, I have to say that Kirsch's essay in The New Republic calling Zizek anti-Semitic was nothing short of libel, testament to Marty's dwindling zealotry for the state of Israel at the expense of anything else, including a man's reputation. The days when a TNR intern made me shit myself by telling me how to get a diarist column in the stodgy old periodical are over, but I would feel like a hypocrite sending them content with Chris Hughes at the helm, and this is utterly nonsensical for a woman of my intellect, however much she frittered away that potential on the slow envelop of emotional anguish, but I am actually against homosexuals themselves-- not-- mostly not-- to the point of interring them-- but enough that I cannot swallow my conviction to send TNR work, to their standards. I mourn this, because I fell in love with TNR under Marty, my fake adversary.

Before I break down in tears, the American rogue who comes closest to deploying violence for methodical agenda is the DC sniper. John Allen was certainly driven by his own internal dynamic, but for those of us with an insurrectionist bent, his tactics were admirable, and if he had been more like the ISIS leader, developing an agenda, a counter argument to the American Way might have given us more of the South American dynamic.

That the US doesn't have its own Shining Path is attributable to the Civil War, and making guerrillas like Jesse James into celebrities.  

Eliminating MAWD

Eliminating the Medical Assistance for Workers with Disabilities (MAWD) program
in January 2015 is projected to generate $7.2 million in savings. Current MAWD recipients with income under 133 percent FPL would be transferred to the new Private Coverage Option; MAWD recipients over 133 percent FPL would be encouraged to apply for coverage and subsidies through the federal Marketplace at HealthCare.gov. MAWD recipients with other Minimal Essential Coverage—such as Medicare—will not qualify for Premium Tax Credits and Cost-Sharing Subsidies through the Marketplace..

The root of all corruption begins with civil service implementation of state and federal monies. Mark Felt taught us that, the man  whom Pat Buchanan characterized as a bagman for Hoover no less, our favorite poseur for being secretly gay and black. Hilarious, these Cold War conspiratorial overtones. My rage is deeper and smarter than I may have made succinct when it comes to centers like Liberty, their umbilical cords tied to the uterus of spend down to the lowest common denominator. Service providers like Liberty, without the federal mandate perhaps, bid on a very limited allocation of the state budget to decentralize nursing care. When Liberty wins said bid they are flush, when they lose said bid they get sued except for those like myself whom they drive to a near breakdown. Linda knew how this mysterious process worked. She was a good task master at ngo sleight of hand: excess revenue, or budget shortfall, and in concrete terms it simply doesn't work. Paul Krugman is absolutely correct that the country is a complex matrix of socialized medicine with a complex matrix of market entrepreneurship, but the prodigiously read militant economist rarely looks at the details of our rationed welfare state. The applications for Paratransit services that blossom into contracts with rehabilitation hospitals to curtail usage for those with power chairs purchased by Medicare, or elderly people with canes. The hospital gets the contract. People with mobility issues get restrictions because the tax burden would otherwise be astronomical. What does this to the freedom of people with chronic conditions who want to make their own choices?

I rarely utter Widener University's name, but this is where my ambitions were nurtured and ultimately dashed to bits. Neither Jerry McGuire nor Michael C Clark nor David Ward would know that de-institutionalization would mean I was supposed to provide an income of 15,000 dollars a year to stupid people who could not afford college or dream of a white collar career, training constantly my whole life after brutal surgeries to  be independent, falling on the sword of my life long stress incontinence, badgered to death because I am not tidy enough for nominal Christians, persecuted because I did not deliver upon obtaining degree, due to what? Poor choices, strenuous travel, emotional investment in authority figures, hoping journalism would be a late life rescue when the field has its own miasma of cannibalistic silliness cluttered around events coverage. Disability centers have no real world rationale to exist. All they do is pick up the slack for people who could never dare Silicon Valley and win, like Chris Hughes.

What Dana and Marty cannot say I will: the battle with Hughes over the demise of TNR at its best is a battle between metrosexual counter culture and old world masculine assertiveness. The very fact that Hughes struck out at Marty's staff by citing Voltaire, and Dana struck back with choice descriptions of Hughes as a dilettante and a fraud evinces the rift. Homosexuality lends itself to deceptive subversion in as much as secular liberalism suppresses the truth for a mirage of utopian well being.

I want to be left alone, do my damn laundry and cleaning when I please, and in short order I will no longer be able to make these decisions for myself, and this feeds my post-50 year old bitterness, after a life of hell being butchered into an image of ambulatory correction. The beat goes on.

The Black Dahlia

Steve Hodel first began to suspect George Hodel while going through his belongings after his death at age 91 in 1999.--in the intrigue of forever.

Let me return to more back tracing in my regret over always being late to the party. What almost led me to EMS this week was vaginal irritation, and I have to be more cautious from now on when I'm too weak to transfer. I thought I was gone, flashes of the nigger bitches finding me in a posture sardonic enough to open LA Law, but even I am stronger than I realize, and yes, I was happy with the personnel at AccessLife. Linda wasn't wrong about that. She has her side of the argument, even with her off side enthusiasm for detailed fucking assertions for former subordinates. She wanted to support me, tried to reflect my concerns back to me, told me to be patient, and did not know what to do with my daily interactions. I might have arguably harangued her, but Liberty had told me repeatedly, since 97, that they would rehire me, and I was running out of options.  Nazi's, just like good Jewish leftists, have the same apologetic rationalizations. And AccessLife went out of business, primarily because the craft of journalism is a peripatetic trade.

I came rather late in my allegiance to the writing of The New Republic, subscribing in 1997, right on the edge of Stephen's fatal blow to both the magazine and Marty's reputation. I am not sure what would be the point of writing on spec for Hughes now, but don't look at me to tell you independently what's been lost. Ryan Lizza knows better than I. Fealty to tradition, confidence in your skill, conviction that Mosaic Law is more than a Charlton Heston movie. 

When I was still *in* the family, I sent Linda a TNR critique of IDEA, and these days, the contributor had the merit of challenge on their side. Liberals cannot truly legislate equality, and I have already detailed the statutory absurdity of my existence within the welfare state. Marty's conservative Zionism appealed to the truncheon of my own experience, accepting that I find the Israeli state a failure, which he certainly doesn't. His faith is the experiment of Israel.

Jay Sterling Sliver can go fuck himself. That is my faith, but I am too sleepy to take the law professor's planks and make a Pogo stick so convenient for farcical penetration.

Personal Loyalties

He handed us fiction after fiction and we printed them all as fact. Just because... we found him "entertaining." --Peter Sarsgaard as Charles Lane

A television commercial when a freshly resigned case manager still had access to cable through a defunct company. One question Americans might ask is how we enforce anti-trust laws when Comcast is the sole provider of pay for view, despite diverse distributors like Netflix and Amazon and Verizon. Verizon is a now redundant spin off of AT&T, but it is a communications utility. Netflix I never fully comprehended but suppose it started as a rental agent. Amazon is a retailer, and now all these corporate models have there own cable box.

In 1997 I was still in job divorce mode which seemed, as a rupture, to take forever to heal, and there was the commercial for The New Republic. I called, subscribed to the print edition, knowing nothing, certainly not that Marty Peretz was insane. I discovered that later on my own in my dialogues with TNR, particularly with Michelle Cottle, but in 97 I read a contributor's article about lice and typhus and old world Jewish quarrels, and fell in love with the writing. I wanted to write like that, doubted I ever could, and understand why David Plotz and Lane want to kill Stephen Glass. I'm a million miles removed from Airforce One's onflight magazine and part of me wants to kill Stephen Glass. TNR has been much changed and diminished in these 17 years. One of their interns was nice to me when I pitched, and I've recounted this, and still get horny over the fact that The New Republic was nice to me and I did nothing with that capital out of fear and intimidation. I emailed them shit on spec later but I myself knew it was shit on spec; that door had closed because I feared to assert myself to get at the former corrupt bastard who ran this city, John Street. I met Street without wearing a brassiere without ever intending to do that. There was a gathering in the parking lot and I had a sudden craving for a burger and threw on shit clothes and rolled down and there was Black Mafia himself and I died. Being ever the politician, he grasped my shoulder and asked how I was doing. No idea I hated him and his excuse for a brother.

Shattered Glass doesn't work as a film because it is too close to reality of events which have damaged us all, and yet, Stephen's breach of ethics, his fabrications, his plagiarism, and the exposure of other notorious cookers of truth who followed, point to a distinctly modern problem as old as the hills. We don't like being drawn in for fools by more temperate psychopaths, remain fascinated by such villains, and don't look too closely at demarcations, such as the fact that bias builds its own slant. I have read John B Judis in TNR's pages, and can't say I always get his policy critiques, but I do not consider him to be virulently anti-Zionist. Jewish liberalism is not always sacrosanct, and has its own unpleasant equivocations which cause undo harm. Philip Roth exposes it however diffident or enthusiastic one might be about the author. I've certainly experienced it, and wrestled hard with my conscience afterwards, despite the roots of poison which have led me to eschew certain other vectors of radical equality.

Yet Billy Ray deserves credit for nibbling around the edges of the edifice we call the fourth estate, and Sarsgaard reached in deep to pull out an inspirational scene on the nature of integrity, despite the fact we have to find ways to entertain the audience, and do it daily. Everyone is in the brand game.

Molten Eggs

"You cannot enforce this deal with him;  he's deranged!"-- Chris Kramer, UFOlogy


The one last observation I have to offer about my curious conflation, for the time being, is that I am more forgiving of Marty's acquired prejudices against Muslims than the scofflaw that surrounded him at Harvard and his resignation from The New Republic over them. I was still very active on the TNR site at the time, and remember much of the salient details of the uproar, but Marty has been formed by his experiences much as I have been formed by mine, and he is as entitled as he is cultured, despite the fact that old age has turned him into a Mario Puzo character (and Michael, you successfully bored me to tears only two paragraphs in, despairing for my non-existent byline, alas!). Bigotry is never the sum total of anyone, even those less erudite and flaming in reaction. My experience with the disabled/LBGT activists has taught me this: betrayal is more important than the principles these activists purportedly stand for, that they have no honor, and that they will subvert anything to their own ends, including the Christian faith, or any doctrine, biological science, for that matter, and their minds are not so stable as the psychiatric shift warrants, and though I can be duped, I shall not reconcile with libertines simply because they wear dress clothes and imitate pedestrian modality. I have been too close, seen too many head games, whether or not they involved me, and hurt too often. Human homosexuality is not moral, nor blessed, nor spiritually sanctioned, virtuous.

It is subversive, psychologically twisted, indulgent, and gratuitous, even if its practitioners are happy, or have an untouchable A list status, or falls into queer genius, but I will deal with cultural and literary contributions at a later date.

Lament as I may that I have no fresh series to attach to, I have found rewards in the dead zone of cancellation, and I am finding The Collector of use, as I have mentioned in previous posts, and I hope someone in the industry one day attempts to reinvigorate it. The UFO episode was a decent bit of gamesmanship, and funny, to boot. I am not quite sure where Cooksey was taking all the threads, all the motifs within the mainframe, but suffice to say, I am mining the episodes that exist, and need to review the pilot once more. Remind me that I cannot wilt with surrender back into the literary journal entirely, but a great deal of that is sheer fatigue. 28 submissions a month on average down to two. Do you see what you are sapping out of me? Stingy lurkers, the lot of you.

The Mossad Foul is Fair

My attitude toward the state of Israel has invariably shifted over the years, from that of unquestioned idealism to serious doubts about American foreign policy being tethered to Ashkenazi self-righteousness, and today, merely colored by cynicism, I respect the ruthlessness of the Mossad, but much like the Guardian staff, question the morality of that ruthlessness. Though I am powerless to be ruthless, my own morality has suffered from its intractable growth, which justice would staunch, an abstract idea that seems unlikely at this point, though the question of a diabolical disabled evil preoccupies whatever remains of my creative talent, as an ethical, technical problem. Whatever Linda's virtue, she undermines it by unnecessary humiliation, and her employer refuses to deal with it by utilizing an appropriate discipline, which in this case, is forcing her resignation. Linda repeatedly gets "herself into trouble." Her words, disrepecting her colleagues, turning on, and I cite, on the basis of facts I have in evidence:

1. blind subordinates, otherwise qualified
2. minority subordinates, who successfully sued under her administration
3. quadriplegic subordinates like myself, too incapacitated to meet EEOC deadlines
4. paraplegics in the same situation

If she was a corporate executive, do you think her tenure would be so long lived? Her former boss, Fern Markowitz, is as much a bigot as some feel Martin Peretz to be, except that Fern gets a free pass, as a Jewish lesbian, and I don't, because I troll in dark crevices, chewing grubs, but make no mistake, Fern was never about equality. She needed to control wheelchair users like myself, and that is not respect, with the exception of the symbolic tokenism Cassie James Holdsworth emanates. That is untouchable in Liberty's world, but for when I pierced it in anger. Fern took the problem Linda created and compounded it.

"I need to make a living Fern."
"Welllll," she trilled, like that, gesturing her hand at me, akin to a trainer with a rebellious circus animal, one that did not comply, instead of offering me a respectful discussion. Liberty's entire staff operates under this pathology of prevarication, which lesbians exude with peculiar talent, in Fern's case probably generational, and necessary, to evade the animosity Shakespeare reserved for supernatural androgyny, and this is the seed of my villainy, which, depositing in my rare disabled characters, is problematic, for I am taking a conceit, coupled with the real pain of my terribly cruel ouster, which Cassie acknowledged when she team tagged me on the grant proposal I was not going to do for their evil, and disservicing disability empowerment by letting this evil take its course in my work. Fern herself was ousted by a transvestite and his unstable and occasionally vicious partner, so it would be ironic, if, in truly unleashing my view, I wind up with a best seller, which is why I study intelligence. The price of vengeance, however, is an ancient lex talionis in the time warp of a modern age.

It is not Fern I want to eliminate, as Fern is punishment enough for her own reality, but the cruelty of the paradigm that allows her and her successors to engage in nearly untrammeled corruption, it has to go. Nursing homes are not an apologia for federally protected disability center ineffability.

Elastic Smokescreens

Bad couple of survival days following my May 9th post, but I feel better now, discounting indigestion from the largest dose of Aleve that I am willing to take, which is brand name naproxen rather than ibuprofen, all the while tapping a pencil against the cranium, how am I going to save my article, but I'll ride out trying certain sources until next week. Perhaps my age is not going to allow me any redemption of misery, I can only speculate, especially when it takes me over an hour to do lateral transfers and dress, and then have another half hour of difficulty engaging in the reverse from joint pain, and overtiring. Back when I spayed my anger at the pedestrian suburbanites in the P&W Speakeasy, at least I still had the strength to fuel the outcry, and my willingness to fight. Of course I'm weakening, what else can I expect? But if I am unsafe doing transfers and hand grips that are second nature, then I made those pedestrian emerging writers and authors fear or ostracize or engage in contention with me for naught, and between 98 and 02 and now, I still want the same things, to salvage a career, better quality of autonomy, and to cite Carole King, recording artist of my youth, whose Tapestry I once knew by heart, but it's too late baby now, it's too late, aside from the fact that Obama has sunk another notch in my wilting support for him, and yes, you knew I would write that, just as if I could get past the fact that Romney sickens me, his preparatory school behavior actually has moved him up the ladder. Why? Honesty, just like Martin Peretz and his difficult attitude with Muslims. We're all bigots, and while table manners are what makes social group dynamics interesting, I do believe that prevarication has taken progressives too far, and there will be backlash, maybe not in my lifetime, but it will occur, I am nearly certain.

The issue, however, is not marriage equality, but Obama's prevarication; he is getting as bad, nearly, as Fern Markowitz, my favorite Jewish lesbian. Obama knows full well that federal supremacy goes back to Chief Justice John Marshall, and a patchwork of states not honoring the marriage licenses issued by other states isn't sustainable, and I doubt the current Chief Justice, Roberts, is going to rupture the edifice by which Marshall made SCOTUS a co-equal branch of government.

Because I do believe in a citizen's civic responsibility, I am conflicted about my vote this November. Abstaining is a cop out, but we don't seem to have many other options. I am debating a write-in.