Striated Wrists

Depending on which executive branch of government is the prosecuting and pursuant body, I am both not disabled and nursing home eligible. To the DOE my cerebral palsy is essentially meaningless, because I went to university, then maintained gainful employment with my condition, and the department, along with Treasury, has the power to garnish and freeze my bank accounts. One day soon I will reach that particular part of Siberia despite my already stringent poverty level. To the state of Pennsylvania, however, in order to receive services, I have to be classified as a nursing home candidate not cogent enough for self determination, and my Jewish bankruptcy lawyer, who left my bankruptcy status only partially complete, given that I would have been better off now had she negotiated with my DOE creditors, explained that as a matter of adjudication, both claims are valid. I am an institutional candidate who needs primary care and functionally able at the same time, unless I legally change my status. Ed Berkowitz parsed this another way, through sucking me back into the world of mental health services and mental illness self-determination, and this is my reward for opening up to my neighbor. I telephoned him about two hours ago. Mr. Berkowitz and myself are friends no more, though he is free to continue reading if he wishes.

Liberalism. I am 51 years old and only as functional as my power chair and grab bars, a bare minimum of medical technology available, while SEPTA does everything it can to reduce my accessible transport options. The Soloist only glances off this red tape, as it is about the tragedy of potential genius broken, but the Project Share model is even worse than the congregation of follies at disability centers.

Advocate for myself? Oh certainly. Challenge my own competency and surrender so the minorities can earn twelve dollars an hour giving me sponge baths. Perhaps you ought to reread some of my more virulent reactions in this context. Ed, I know you were not thinking about anything in particular in promoting Zach Tollen's *tributes,* but I feel hurt, emotionally wounded without cause, and I may have case managed this man. Lose my email Edward, lose it. We are back to hello and goodbye. The next time Suzanne is flat on her back with a seizure I am not driving to get security's assistance.

Seasons In The Sun

We had joy we had fun-- Terry Jacks

Misconstrued email is the source of so much folly. This is the one thing I have not really examined with you, and it significantly shortened my life span. My neighbor hits a send all button to help a marginalized figure, who has his own footprint. I very briefly skimmed his post about taking himself off Social Security, and while I am no fan of entitlement strangulation, the consequences of indigence in a city like Philly is not the adventure of a graphic novel, but Mr. Tollen is presumably an ambulatory fellow.

I am not mad at Ed. *He just did not pause to think that a disenfranchised wheelchair user and a disenfranchised mental health consumer would not be able to accommodate each other when he (Ed) told me to contact Zach directly. That direct contact disappointed me and made me feel excluded. Zach gives small private talks about Joseph Campbell and Carl Jung, important but superseded figures. A small episode come and gone. I dealt with people like Zach every day under my salaried grant project, and Ed may follow my blog and skim my posts; he probably does the same for Zachary Tollen, but this does not mean we're getting through to each other, and I find that discouraging. 

The same confusion created a cyber EEOC case between Linda C Dezenski and myself, and the corrosive poison of my anger resides in the cost. Linda was embarrassed, faced demotion, and I was traumatized to the brink of institutional incarceration, and a crippling guaranteed federal debt which is driving me into myocardial infarction or an early stroke. Even if my political representatives investigate, no one is going to restrict Linda's economic viability for prior bad acts, and that due to tokenism. She is a prescriptive and compliant public figure who humiliated me and countless others, but the people that run this state know a radioactive problem when they see it.

Move on? It would be nice, but my health is failing, and I can't leave a landlord also guilty of recurring criminal negligence. Consider yourself lucky.

*As I indicated yesterday, however, the implication of bringing Zach and myself into each other's sphere of influence is for me only an additional source of shame and annoyance. I am trying to climb back up, not give into Mr. Tollen's functional limitations. A thanks but no thank you situation.