Blubber Addendum

This is an addition to Wounded Blubber, which I think would suffer as a post if I lengthened it. I do not want to give my readers the impression that I am not flawed in actual, physical presence, and in the immediate aftermath of the discovery that Linda C Dezenski had made me expendable, I am not sure how I managed to survive, because my reaction to these events was in direct proportion to the realization that the horror my life would, did, become, and I went off on Mr. Shrode over the phone, when I still had access that way, but it was an emotional pain agonized over Linda's betrayal, the horror of what she had exposed me to. Jimmi could not follow this thread, neither then, nor in contemporary terms; he doesn't get it, and if he was to respond to my posts at all, he'd tell you in his own words that I treat him with contempt. This is true, and not only that. I should not have lost control to the extent that I did, not with him. He is a fragile boy, and no matter how badly he ages, like a bowl of gelatin, squashes, easily, in contrast to the strength in my contorted frame.

However, and this is my main point: the fact that I have to aim my speech at him like a fighter in training, that he and I cannot talk it out, and he has to ignore me to cope, belies his activist compassion, which feeds the contempt. I have seen Jimmi engage in verbal tantrums as if it was nothing, forgotten in so many hours, but not with spastic, and spastic wanted hers, to borrow from his published simplicity. Jimmi and Erik will never be my friends again; that goes without saying; but the fact that our former relation as friends cannot so much as be acknowledged in the normal course of social exchange, this is infantile, as far as I am concerned. He believes in the collective rights of the disabled, except for those unduly harmed by the zealousness of that belief; it is this behavior of his, along with other behaviors I have observed on the liberal battlefront, that has made me critical of gay demands, sexual and social equality.