Window In

I have no idea how accurate Blogger statistics are, nor whether it is serendipitous or not, but most of my.... followers?, readers?, however the holy fuck you account for yourselves, you seem to be European, through what connection, this is of little import, but in the aftermath of the Great Collapse of 08, you seem to be killing yourselves. I cannot welcome you to the land of indignity beneath our Western veneer if you keep this up, so cut it out. My childhood was one of orthopedic butchery, encapsulated by fear of the monkey child, until my emotional pain, and trauma after trauma, betrayal upon betrayal, disappointment upon disappointment, turned me into what I am now, and I may not have an answer for my old age, but the answer I hold to is that I will battle back. This does not mean that women like Debra Horne will not break me in the end. People like Debra succeed because their job is to punish non-compliance, in sometimes justified fashion, sometimes not. It is their livelihood to monitor, as indeed it was mine for five years. Suicide is not going to change the paradigm we've created that destroys the human spirit.

Now, in my case, how I stay out of more institutionalization later, I do not know; the truth is, beneath the deadly contours of my rage, a deadly rage yes, but impotent, an impotent daydream of wild justice, beneath this, I am weary, exhausted beyond my strength, and I may just go poof, and women like Debra will assess this with convictions like "I knew it," and any former surviving bosses, those who deserve punishment, those who do not, but made an effort, will feel sorry. Outside of the legacy of my thus far minor authorship, this is my lot, the pity of people who will look away, but I will go down fighting, and maybe, just maybe, give the next Linda C. Dezenski, the next Debra, or even the next Jimmi, whose behavior undermines the very inclusion he seeks, reason to pause. You have to fight, fight your pain, fight your poverty, and if you will go down, due to Alzheimer's or something else equally progressive, well, make your choices in the early stages. Not resisting the inevitable, however, is not the same thing as self murder. In this universe, there has never been a verified case of resurrection.