In the life of a freelancer, egos get bruised; even those with name recognition receive rejections, and as it stands today, New Mobility would be within its rights to freeze me out, since I am iterating a private betrayal between myself and a bona fide lesbian who would give my bylines exposure up to a point but no further, since she and her partner think like case managers, and neither of them share my brain damage, so they know what is best for me. When my interaction with Josie was active, I was expected to be obedient to her conventional wisdom, and in my present maliciousness, I pay a price.
However, let's back it up a step: Post 2004, I was not blogging, and my Josie antipathy was the kind of repressed undercurrent we bury to get along in life; due to my cover feature Tim Gilmer included me on his contributors mailing list, and I needed it, the camaraderie. I was not after Josie's job, nor that of any other regular, and Tim dropped me. This is the nature of the publishing business, but it belies everything disability advocates say they stand for, and this is what goads me about such a narrow minded sterile culture.
Tim is a paraplegic himself, and he could have had one of those electronic conversations with me about why I was cut loose in the time frame to which I refer; it is a disgraceful behavior from a man in Oregon who writes so openly about his own emotional health, after I had worked so hard on what was a difficult cover feature, and it points to why the empowerment rhetoric of the independent living movement is so destabilizing to American autonomy. Perhaps not today, but I am going to confront the publisher on it. Will it do me any good? Perhaps not, but I intend to push the point.
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